Her Testimony

Today is that day.

It’s another January 24th.

4 years.

Funny how time works. It really does help the pain subside. It’s not absent, it’s just easier. And not every day is easy. Random days are very hard. Random days are filled with chest pain, tears, disbelief and physical hurt.

But not today. This anniversary doesn't give me a whole lot of pain. That might be tomorrow, who knows.

Today, Im just fine. I’m sitting alone in the kitchen at 5am with my computer, my memories of her and her testimony.

Last fall, I participated in a bible study at our church called “Believing God.” In reality, this bible study saved me in many ways. It prepared me for many more things that were to come in my life I had no clue were headed my way.

Something else this study awakened me to is the importance of leaving your testimony for the generations to follow you. For your children and their children. We had constructed a timeline of what the author called “God Stops.”

These “God Stops” were people and events in our lives that we could look back on and see where the Lord was working to keep us safe, to teach us lessons and to draw us near. I was actually frustrated at the small amount of these instances and people in my early life....or at least the ones I could see and can now remember. 

I worked on my testimony time line and although it’s not fully complete, it’s there. In linear form.

I remember thinking it would have been great to hear my mothers testimony. I know just by our conversations prior to her death and for years leading up to it, that she absolutely believed in God and knew Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. She would always tell me

“I’m not afraid of dying, because I know where I’m going. I’m afraid of the process.”

And the process, well, it wasn't pretty. But she approached it with grace, strength and probably walking hand in hand with God.

This week, my 7 year old daughter Shelby, was rummaging through a box I have of my moms. It’s been sitting on my back porch for nearly 2 years now. It has all kinds of things in it..her high school yearbook, her cancer beanies, a few kitchen decorations, some of her socks and apparently it had a few of her Bibles in it. Shelby came running in to me and said “Here mom.”

It was my mother’s study bible. I thanked Shelby and thought I’ll just take this back to my bookshelf. On my way to the shelf, I saw a few papers folded in her Bible. I was in the hallway of my home when I pulled them out, opened them up and began to read.

It was her testimony.

It stopped me dead in my tracks. I held back tears as I read it. More so in the fact that I felt her come alive in the words. I felt her come alive as I knew my hands were in the same places she had her hands as she read this and shared it with her church it seems. 
It was alive and it was speaking to me.

I want to share her testimony, because I know she would want that. She would have written this long before the return of her cancer. I know how much these few words mean to me and so I will be certain to finish that timeline for my children and give them the gift of my testimony of faith.

Such a blessing it is for our children.

“Today is Mother’s Day and I thought there wouldn't be a better day than today to give my testimony. Growing up as a child, I went to church now and then and thought I knew Christ. Later, I got married and had three beautiful children, but Christ was not the center of our marriage. We ended up in divorce. The funny thing is during that marriage, I always wanted my family to be closer to God and to to go to church. I prayed for that, but it didn't happen.
    During the divorce, the love I had for my kids kept me going. I talked and prayed to God everyday. Then one day I met this fellow. He swept me off my feet. He also had three kids. Neither one of us were going to church at the time. We talked and wanted to find a nice church to attend. It was at this time he proposed to me.
    Two weeks later, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Again I talked and prayed to God. I was wondering why something so horrible could happen to me right now when my new life was just starting. The love I had for my family prevented me from giving up.
    At this time, Pastor Harold and Liz came into my life. With the help of their church and our family and friends’ prayers, they got me through a mastectomy, three months of chemotherapy and then a stem-cell transplant.
    Jeff and I decided to get married 5 weeks after my stem-cell transplant. The week before I got married, I was baptized. That cool water sure felt good on my bald head! What a sight! Since then, Kelly, Jessie, Mandy and Sam were all baptized. After I was married, I had to do 6 weeks of radiation. That was the end of my long journey.
    If it weren't for Gods love for me and the love I have for God and my family, I wouldn't have survived that journey. I wouldn't be here today to tell you about it.
    I am closer to Christ now than I have ever been before. I now realize how He used me to get others around me closer to Him. He is present in my life, and he can be in yours too. Just ask Him.
Thank you and Happy Mother’s Day.”

Rite Of Passage

When I was six, I got my ears pierced. For it being so very long ago, I actually remember the day quite well. I was with my mom in the Northtown Mall in Toledo, Ohio…long before it is whatever it is now… and as we passed Claire’s Boutique, I remember telling her that I wanted to get my ear’s pierced. She didn’t hesitate for a minute. She smiled, she told me it would hurt and led me by the hand into the store. After picking out some ruby studs and using a marker to dictate where the earrings would go, a nice young lady quickly pierced the first one and I immediately teared up. Mom had to hold my hand and calm me down a bit so I wouldn’t have to leave there looking lopsided. The nice young clerk then pierced my second ear. And that was it. I had pierced ears.

As mom was paying at the counter for my newfound body jewelry, I firmly wrapped my arms around her right thigh and hung onto her jeans while a few tears fell down my 6 year old cheek. She rubbed the back of my head and looked down at me.
“See, that didn’t hurt so bad, did it?”
I smiled, “No.”
“Does it still hurt now?” She asked.
“No.” I giggled, realizing she was right. They had stopped hurting.

I remember all of this. It was a great day and I’m thankful for the memory.

This summer, just before Shelby turned six, she asked me if she could get her ears pierced. I had been waiting for her to ask. A lot of people pierce their little girls’ ears at infancy, and I’ve had plenty of Latinas in the neighborhood ask me why I hadn’t done it to my girl. My answer was always the same.

“I’ll wait until she asks.”

She did ask, and I was excited. I made her patiently wait until our summer vacation was over and yesterday I took her to the mall to get her ears pierced. She was so excited as expected. I was definitely more nervous than she, but I had been telling her that it would hurt to try and prepare her. Shelby picked out a very pretty pair of pink flower studs and as she sat in the chair waiting for her step into earrings, I was extremely emotional myself.

 This is what my mom did with me. I remember this day for myself and I pray that she’ll remember it too. I thought of how important earrings are to girls..Middle school…High School…College! Earrings are fun and make girls feel special. Shelby was sitting right in front of me, growing up. Literally, right before my very eyes, she was growing up.

Shelby asked me to hold her hand, and I did. My only tweak was to ask if they could do both ears at the same time, just to be done with it. They did, she giggled in the reality of it….and now she’s got pierced ears. She never cried.

 I am so happy for her. She’s been talking about them nonstop…to anyone who, well, has ears.