Today is that day.
It’s another January 24th.
4 years.
Funny how time works. It really does help the pain subside. It’s not absent, it’s just easier. And not every day is easy. Random days are very hard. Random days are filled with chest pain, tears, disbelief and physical hurt.
But not today. This anniversary doesn't give me a whole lot of pain. That might be tomorrow, who knows.
Today, Im just fine. I’m sitting alone in the kitchen at 5am with my computer, my memories of her and her testimony.
Last fall, I participated in a bible study at our church called “Believing God.” In reality, this bible study saved me in many ways. It prepared me for many more things that were to come in my life I had no clue were headed my way.
Something else this study awakened me to is the importance of leaving your testimony for the generations to follow you. For your children and their children. We had constructed a timeline of what the author called “God Stops.”
These “God Stops” were people and events in our lives that we could look back on and see where the Lord was working to keep us safe, to teach us lessons and to draw us near. I was actually frustrated at the small amount of these instances and people in my early life....or at least the ones I could see and can now remember.
I worked on my testimony time line and although it’s not fully complete, it’s there. In linear form.
I remember thinking it would have been great to hear my mothers testimony. I know just by our conversations prior to her death and for years leading up to it, that she absolutely believed in God and knew Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. She would always tell me
“I’m not afraid of dying, because I know where I’m going. I’m afraid of the process.”
And the process, well, it wasn't pretty. But she approached it with grace, strength and probably walking hand in hand with God.
This week, my 7 year old daughter Shelby, was rummaging through a box I have of my moms. It’s been sitting on my back porch for nearly 2 years now. It has all kinds of things in it..her high school yearbook, her cancer beanies, a few kitchen decorations, some of her socks and apparently it had a few of her Bibles in it. Shelby came running in to me and said “Here mom.”
It was my mother’s study bible. I thanked Shelby and thought I’ll just take this back to my bookshelf. On my way to the shelf, I saw a few papers folded in her Bible. I was in the hallway of my home when I pulled them out, opened them up and began to read.
It was her testimony.
It stopped me dead in my tracks. I held back tears as I read it. More so in the fact that I felt her come alive in the words. I felt her come alive as I knew my hands were in the same places she had her hands as she read this and shared it with her church it seems.
It was alive and it was speaking to me.
I want to share her testimony, because I know she would want that. She would have written this long before the return of her cancer. I know how much these few words mean to me and so I will be certain to finish that timeline for my children and give them the gift of my testimony of faith.
Such a blessing it is for our children.
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“Today is Mother’s Day and I thought there wouldn't be a better day than today to give my testimony. Growing up as a child, I went to church now and then and thought I knew Christ. Later, I got married and had three beautiful children, but Christ was not the center of our marriage. We ended up in divorce. The funny thing is during that marriage, I always wanted my family to be closer to God and to to go to church. I prayed for that, but it didn't happen.
During the divorce, the love I had for my kids kept me going. I talked and prayed to God everyday. Then one day I met this fellow. He swept me off my feet. He also had three kids. Neither one of us were going to church at the time. We talked and wanted to find a nice church to attend. It was at this time he proposed to me.
Two weeks later, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Again I talked and prayed to God. I was wondering why something so horrible could happen to me right now when my new life was just starting. The love I had for my family prevented me from giving up.
At this time, Pastor Harold and Liz came into my life. With the help of their church and our family and friends’ prayers, they got me through a mastectomy, three months of chemotherapy and then a stem-cell transplant.
Jeff and I decided to get married 5 weeks after my stem-cell transplant. The week before I got married, I was baptized. That cool water sure felt good on my bald head! What a sight! Since then, Kelly, Jessie, Mandy and Sam were all baptized. After I was married, I had to do 6 weeks of radiation. That was the end of my long journey.
If it weren't for Gods love for me and the love I have for God and my family, I wouldn't have survived that journey. I wouldn't be here today to tell you about it.
I am closer to Christ now than I have ever been before. I now realize how He used me to get others around me closer to Him. He is present in my life, and he can be in yours too. Just ask Him.
Thank you and Happy Mother’s Day.”
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