Pause Button Please.

I’ve been dreading this day for a long time now…….and it’s not even here yet.

My little Shelby…the first born…the beautiful, blond, spunky, energetic, brilliant little girl (who happens to be the one to have started the horrific tearing of  my abdominal muscles and stretching of the skin on my entire body) is starting Kindergarten next week!

One day, this past Spring, before she graduated preschool, we were sitting at the breakfast table and she began to sing. Unbeknown to me, she was getting ready to perform a little number at her upcoming graduation, and all she wanted to do, was make me fill my oatmeal bowl with tears and search for that remote control to life so I could hit the pause button.

(To the tune of Take Me Out To The Ballgame)
Take me to Kindergarten
It’s time for me to move on
I know my numbers and letters too
I even know how to write them all too
For its root! Root, root for the children
We share our toys and our food…
For its one, two three and we’re off
To our brand…new…school!

As I sat there in awe of her ability to remember the lyrics to any song…my eyes were swollen with tears and a wave hit me. I lost my breath and had to get up and leave the breakfast table. The last thing I needed was for her to think her singing was that awful.

She was really going to be headed to Kindergarten……..and that day is Tuesday.

I remember my first day of Kindergarten. I remember what I wore while I stood at the end of our driveway waiting for the bus to come. I remember turning to look at mom as I was waved safely across the street to board the bus. Of course I have no way of knowing what my mother was going through, but I was elated, excited and not scared one little bit.

I am so sad that my mother is not here to listen to me gush about this monumental moment in Shelby’s life…in all our lives, really.

I have my own memories of my first day, and I pray that Shelby will too.

Let’s just hope her memories aren’t of her mother being dragged away by school security for sobbing outside of her class window, face pressed against the glass pounding fists, while crying out “I love you so much Shelby. I’m so proud of you. I know you’ll love school and I’ll miss you so much when you’re gone all day. Kisses…hugs…Love you Shelby….”