Sending Him Forward

Another summer spent in Michigan is over and starting tomorrow I’ll be packing lunches for my 2nd grader and Kindergartner on their first day of school. Time goes way too fast.

This little man I live with, my little Hayden, will be starting full day Kindergarten in the morning. He was born two weeks late and entered the world at a whopping 23 1/2 inches long. The pediatrician on Tuesday estimated his adult height to be around 6’1”.  It’s really no surprise why my stomach looks the way it does 5 years later. The child I gave birth to after him basically had a 3 bedroom apartment to lounge around in.

In the age we are currently in, many parents are holding their children, especially boys, back a year prior to entering full time school. And with good concern too. I have an older child and I know exactly what is headed Hayden’s way. A lot of memorization, no less than 15 minutes of homework 3 nights a week and a challenging environment pushing his fine motor skills to the brink of destruction. That may be an exaggeration, but knowing my boy, when frustration with those motor skills arises, the chalkboard may be eating a pencil or two.

Last year, I had Hayden in a preschool that came highly recommended by several friends. Friends I trust and admire. Friends whose advise I cherish. But a few months in, I knew this school was not the right fit for my son. My older daughter would not have had a hard time with the structure of the school, but if there is one thing I have learned as a parent, it’s that every single one of my children are different and require different things. Almost always.

My son is active. I would never go with “spirited” because that makes me think of Tinkerbell. And if Hayden ever met Tinkerbell he’d probably sit her on a spoon with some kind of lever he’d brilliantly constructed and see how far across the backyard he could flick her. He’s active.

Hayden is wired like his father. His father is a thinker. He’s always been ahead of the curve with academics and my son is no different. I’ve known early on that the brain inside that child's head is moving a few steps ahead of several children around him. He talked early and with huge vocabulary. He started doing mental math when he was three and just by sitting in the same room as his older sister doing homework at 4, he could answer many of her homework questions before she could.

Hayden & Daddy

Now, I am not saying I have a genius on my hands. I just have a very smart boy. He’s also big for his age and extremely immature, behaviorally speaking. It makes for a very complicated situation when deciding whether or not he should go to Kindergarten at 5 or wait until 6. My husband and I decided not to wait. He turned 5 in July and he’s starting Kindergarten tomorrow. We feel very confident about the decision and I’d love to share why.

At that preschool where he spent 3/4 of the year, he was constantly getting into trouble. He couldn't sit still. He liked to hug, run, jump, laugh, knock things over and make loud noises. When I dropped him off, I felt like I was looked at like the one who was going to destroy all the other childrens’ experiences that day by bringing “that boy” to class. The teachers method of discipline was a soft, gentle explanation of what he did wrong and to distract him with something else. Again, that may have worked for my daughter...it was not working with my son.

The year continued until just prior to spring break when we had conferences. I was told that Hayden was “socially delayed” and that he needed “play therapy.” I was told that I should never teach him to hold a pencil before he’s ready due to me “delaying him developmentally even further.” I was told that he was “currently being treated as a special needs child...no different than if he were in a wheel chair.” They told me there is “no way Hayden should go to Kindergarten next year.”

Now, as a mother, I KNOW sometimes we miss things in our children that others can clearly see. I didn't care if Hayden was going to Kindergarten or not, I certainly wasn't going to push him. I am a reasonable woman and can most often times be diplomatic with stuff like this. But I am also my child’s advocate. And that teacher was wrong.

I took the next week to interview anyone I could who spends time with Hayden, including his Pediatrician. I had Hayden actually evaluated with an Occupational Therapist for ADD..Autism..you name it. I wanted to be sure I was not the naive one here. The therapist did share with me that she could clearly see he was a sensory seeker. He needs the physical input to regulate his central nervous system. It all made perfect sense to me. One of the friends I interviewed mentioned something of the same observation. The therapist said it's not anything 10 minutes on a trampoline or regular exercise can't help. "He needs input, and any experienced teacher will see that." I then took Hayden for a trial day in the Junior Kindergarten program at his older sisters school, not mentioning anything about the preschool.

He did amazing. The teacher, within one day, asked me if I knew “how bright he was.” I said yes and cried. She explained to me that when Hayden was pushing limits, she gave him a firm “No” and told him what he was supposed to be doing. She said he’s all boy and that she thinks he’ll be just fine with her the rest of the year. I then filled her in on the information that was given to me from his preschool and she assured me he would be just fine.

Hayden finished out last year in Pre-Kindergarten, where in one week, he blossomed. I mean it, he changed. When we were done in June, I asked the Junior Kindergarten teacher if Hayden should wait a year before going on. Her reply was “Oh, Honey. If he stays with me one more year, he’ll be bored to tears.” All the teachers at this school, including the principal concur that my little man should move ahead, despite his immature behavior. My husband and I agree.


Tonight, we got to meet the teachers and see the classrooms before they start school tomorrow. Hayden’s desk was front and center. My heart was lifted, because I know these teachers truly know him and don't want him to fail. And for all I care, I hope he sits front and center all year.

My boy. All boy.